Cheryl Cole

A mate of mine has a thing about Cheryl Cole- not a compulsive wank thing, more a complete hate thing. And he doesn't really hate anyone. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I have quite an intense dislike for her too. I can't quite put my finger on it. She's proper fit and she's got a Geordie accent, which is also sort of fit on lady. It's just some slightly intangable vaccuousness (you just know she won't have a book anywhere in her house- how the fuck are you supposed to relate to a cunt like that) where you suspect that if you hoak about behind her head you'll discover some sort of circuitry, combined with a certain self- satisfiedness, quite well concealed, but unmistakable behind the glossy android facade when delivering judgement on some poor cunt. The mock sympathy. That "aww bless" face that she pulls when talking to lesser mortals. the way she's truly bought into the whole X-Factor bag-o-shite. This bitch is truly the minion of Cowell- performing her last single live on the show and then standing and taking the critical analysis of it all with all the straight-faced apprehension of a school girl opening her GCSE results. It's enough to turn your stomach. But if I'm really honest, I don't like her because she's having a spat with Nadine Coyle. And she's got her whole bitchy little Girls Aloud coterie to gang up on her. Now Nadine's a super dick and all that, but she is from Derry. And I don't have it in me to sit idly by while some jumped up little Geordie tit slags off a Derry Wan. Fuck Cheryl Cole and the horse she rode in on...robot...bet she doesn't have a smell....

Dieter Moebius/Gnod

I went to a gig in Islington Mill the other week and wrote it up for Citylifers. Here's the link:http://citylifers.co.uk/dieter-mobieusqa’aagnod-live-at-islington-mill-salford-07112010/

Hudson Mohawke@Saki Bar, Manchester

Hud Mo and uber talented and fellow LuckyMe member Jay-P will be helping the Hairbrain djs celebrate hairbrain's first birthday at the Saki Bar on friday night (30th May 2008). For those of you in Manchester, get down to the start of the curry mile. Entry is a fiver with doubles and mixer £2 all night.